So I've been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff the last few months.  I've been on this road to being more physically and mentally healthy, and when you do that it tends to open up a whole can of worms.  Not exactly what I was expecting but oh well.  

In my experience there is this awful stigma that comes with the idea of seeing a therapist.  I'm sure you have felt it, seen it, heard it; made your own conclusions even.  And as much as I pride myself on being pretty damn nonjudgmental, even I have had a this "just effing suck it up, buttercup" mentality.  

So, I see the therapist next week. 
And I had to fill out the pre-screen information.
It asks questions like, "Have you had any major life changes recently?" 
At first, I started typing in "no, no major life changes." 
And then I was like, "shhhhhh yeah. I'm lying to myself here if I think I haven't had any inward and outward changes." 

I hope you'll understand that I can't share everything here, because I can't even figure it all out.  I also have this fear that if I actually share everything - every vulnerable morsel, it will get put in the wrong hands.  But I'll share what I can, in hopes that in being real with you, you'll get something out of it.  We're all in this together, right?  

I know for darn sure I'm not the only one over here needing space but also wanting to hear that someone else is as totally and cluelessly navigating feelings that don't feel like feelings, and building up and breaking down walls that only figuratively exist, and striving to be vulnerable and closed off at the same time, and accidentally stumbling over every. little. thing (literally and figuratively).

Until next time friends, 

-Rae

Hey, June.  The month is almost over; and it sure has been a doozie.  I don't know if i can necessarily chalk it up to "June Gloom," though.  Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Mommying is hard.  I always say, "but God..."  And it's true, it really is; God is bigger, God is easier, God is so much more than what I can count a burden.  But, God also gives us trials to build us up - and that can be a really hard season. 

Let me be real, real with you here.  Let me also preface this by saying that every once in a while I will still post craft stuff and music stuff, and fangirl stuff, and fun stuff, but I also need this place to be raw and honest.  That's what the whole point of Downtown and Jaded was supposed to be, raw and honest every day life.  But I got a little "grin and bear it" for the sake of being in the safety of having a fun place.  But when I do that, I end up not posting, because I can't always keep up with the fun stuff, you know?  

-Rae

I hate sugar.  Just kidding, no I don't.  I just hate that sugar is not good for you.  I hate that sugar makes you break out (sometimes in song, or dance, but mostly with pimples).  I also hate that sugar can give you so much energy so quickly, and then make you take a nap just as fast.  
So, I have been breaking out all over my chest and my neck.  I know that is not the most horrible thing that can happen to a person, but I have generally good skin, and it's actually pissing me off. 
So, I decided over the weekend to seriously start taking control of my sugar intake.  I wanted to sleep all day yesterday, and that was when I fully realized what I was allowing into my body, and how it affected my energy so much. 
By the end of the day I was badly craving sugar, so to curb that need I made some energy bites.  They did have a little bit of sugar (because of the PB2 and other natural sources).
Here is the recipe:
In a bowl, mix the following until you reach a dough-like consistency. Recipe makes about 10 1.5 inch balls.
2 TBS PB2
4 TBS Gluten Free Oats (I grind mine up a little bit in my magic bullet to make more of a flour, I know it is weird, and you do not have to do this, I just like it this way).
1 TBSP Chia Seeds
1 TBSP Hemp Hearts
1 TBSP Raw Honey
1.5 TBSP Cashew Butter (you can use any nut butter)
2 Heaping TBS Unrefined, Organic Coconut Oil 
1 TSP Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
1 Shake of Cinnamon 

Mix it all, roll into bit sized balls, and then (optional) roll in a little PB2 and Cocoa powder mixture to coat. 
You can eat them now, or refrigerate and save for later.

After just one of these babies, I already felt my desire for sugar leave. 
Hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I did, if you're missing some of the ingredients or want to sub PB2 for more nut butter, obviously just add more oats or something else to keep it all together.  
Also you're welcome for the fantastic photo.  It screams texture and depth.  -crying laugh emoji- It was taken on my iPhone and edited with the snapseed app. - which by the way is my favorite app.   Catch you later!