So I've been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff the last few months.  I've been on this road to being more physically and mentally healthy, and when you do that it tends to open up a whole can of worms.  Not exactly what I was expecting but oh well.  

In my experience there is this awful stigma that comes with the idea of seeing a therapist.  I'm sure you have felt it, seen it, heard it; made your own conclusions even.  And as much as I pride myself on being pretty damn nonjudgmental, even I have had a this "just effing suck it up, buttercup" mentality.  

So, I see the therapist next week. 
And I had to fill out the pre-screen information.
It asks questions like, "Have you had any major life changes recently?" 
At first, I started typing in "no, no major life changes." 
And then I was like, "shhhhhh yeah. I'm lying to myself here if I think I haven't had any inward and outward changes." 

I hope you'll understand that I can't share everything here, because I can't even figure it all out.  I also have this fear that if I actually share everything - every vulnerable morsel, it will get put in the wrong hands.  But I'll share what I can, in hopes that in being real with you, you'll get something out of it.  We're all in this together, right?  

I know for darn sure I'm not the only one over here needing space but also wanting to hear that someone else is as totally and cluelessly navigating feelings that don't feel like feelings, and building up and breaking down walls that only figuratively exist, and striving to be vulnerable and closed off at the same time, and accidentally stumbling over every. little. thing (literally and figuratively).

Until next time friends, 

-Rae

Hey, June.  The month is almost over; and it sure has been a doozie.  I don't know if i can necessarily chalk it up to "June Gloom," though.  Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Mommying is hard.  I always say, "but God..."  And it's true, it really is; God is bigger, God is easier, God is so much more than what I can count a burden.  But, God also gives us trials to build us up - and that can be a really hard season. 

Let me be real, real with you here.  Let me also preface this by saying that every once in a while I will still post craft stuff and music stuff, and fangirl stuff, and fun stuff, but I also need this place to be raw and honest.  That's what the whole point of Downtown and Jaded was supposed to be, raw and honest every day life.  But I got a little "grin and bear it" for the sake of being in the safety of having a fun place.  But when I do that, I end up not posting, because I can't always keep up with the fun stuff, you know?  

-Rae

I hate sugar.  Just kidding, no I don't.  I just hate that sugar is not good for you.  I hate that sugar makes you break out (sometimes in song, or dance, but mostly with pimples).  I also hate that sugar can give you so much energy so quickly, and then make you take a nap just as fast.  
So, I have been breaking out all over my chest and my neck.  I know that is not the most horrible thing that can happen to a person, but I have generally good skin, and it's actually pissing me off. 
So, I decided over the weekend to seriously start taking control of my sugar intake.  I wanted to sleep all day yesterday, and that was when I fully realized what I was allowing into my body, and how it affected my energy so much. 
By the end of the day I was badly craving sugar, so to curb that need I made some energy bites.  They did have a little bit of sugar (because of the PB2 and other natural sources).
Here is the recipe:
In a bowl, mix the following until you reach a dough-like consistency. Recipe makes about 10 1.5 inch balls.
2 TBS PB2
4 TBS Gluten Free Oats (I grind mine up a little bit in my magic bullet to make more of a flour, I know it is weird, and you do not have to do this, I just like it this way).
1 TBSP Chia Seeds
1 TBSP Hemp Hearts
1 TBSP Raw Honey
1.5 TBSP Cashew Butter (you can use any nut butter)
2 Heaping TBS Unrefined, Organic Coconut Oil 
1 TSP Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
1 Shake of Cinnamon 

Mix it all, roll into bit sized balls, and then (optional) roll in a little PB2 and Cocoa powder mixture to coat. 
You can eat them now, or refrigerate and save for later.

After just one of these babies, I already felt my desire for sugar leave. 
Hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I did, if you're missing some of the ingredients or want to sub PB2 for more nut butter, obviously just add more oats or something else to keep it all together.  
Also you're welcome for the fantastic photo.  It screams texture and depth.  -crying laugh emoji- It was taken on my iPhone and edited with the snapseed app. - which by the way is my favorite app.   Catch you later! 

Hey friends! So I follow a ton of Instagram people because I can spend as much time stalking IG as I can on scrolling Pinterest. Please don't judge me. 
Anyway, I love reading their "Friday Introductions." So I thought I'd do one on here, but Monday Introduction, because well....Monday is the new start to each week and I like to stay optimistic.  

My name is Rachel, which you already know; but my closest friends and family call me Rae. I have three crazy, beautiful kids and I'm married to my absolute best friend (which you may also already know).  He keeps me grounded and logical, but also reminds me to keep on dreaming. 
Onto something not a lot of people know: I got married when I was 18. I don't regret it one bit, and our faithfulness and strength in the Lord has brought us ten years far, and will carry us into the end of our lives.  

What's something not everyone knows about you? Share your story in the comments, I'd love to hear from you.  

Do you have a difficult time finding the motivation you need to do things you want?  Some days I want to lose weight, and some days I honestly just don't care.  Here's why:  I had a person in my life whom I absolutely looked up to.  Even after I had really started getting fit and lost over 40 pounds as a teenager, this person would still comment on not wanting me to be the "fat girl" at school, and to let them know if I ever wanted help.  Talk about looking in the mirror at 5'7" and 138 lbs and in great shape, but seeing a "fat" girl.  Feeling like you're still chubby.  Having a totally distorted view of yourself despite your hard work. Those are really crummy feelings to have.  

I was still active, but slowly  started eating whatever the heck I wanted.  If I was still overweight and nothing was paying off, it didn't matter what the scale said right?  I continued to stay between 140-155 throughout high school, but once the sports stopped the weight fell back on, obviously.   
Fast-forward to three babies later, even when I started to lose weight and get active again, I never felt great about my body image.  Why? My image was so distorted in my mind regardless of what any person, mirror, or scale provided.   So I had to go through a forgiving process.  I had to forgive that person, (who, by the way still made those comments or recommendations).  That was fairly and surprisingly easy.  Secondly, I had to forgive myself for constantly feeling bad about all of my GOOD qualities.  Last, I had to ask God to forgive me for denying that what He had in mind when he created me was beautiful and amazing.  

So here's what happened in that process:  I now have numerous days when I feel great, even weighing in at the same (some days more) weight as the day I delivered my beautiful Bella.  I don't see myself as overweight.  I loved on myself and accepted how God created me, so much that I took it to the extreme and have a hard time seeing that I am as big as I actually am.   
I feel beautiful, I feel loved, and wanted.  I feel blessed and refreshed with most new mornings, and I feel content.  On these days I don't see the need for exercise or diligent thoughtful eating. 
I feel sluggish, tired, and allergic.  I feel irritable, lazy, and blah.  I eat to nourish but crave salt and sweets.  Fortunately there isn't a whole lot of that around our house, but a good sweet creamy cup of coffee and buttered toast usually does the trick.  An hour later I feel guilty for having the bread (my mouth and head love bread but my body does not like most gluten) and kinda nasty for having the dream, (Ahem I mean cream and sugar).  I have no motivation to work out, because I am a horribly inconsistent person.  

Do you see where I'm going with this?  OBVIOUSLY I need to exercise EVERY day and skip the gluten and milk. haha.  I need to nourish my body and mind and love myself everyday, and give the glory to GOD and show him that I am treating my body right according to how he created me.  That's my motivation.  I can keep up with my kids, run around (albeit out of breath but I can do it), my clothing still pretty much fits, and my husband loves on me more every single day.  SO you can see where it is REALLY hard to find motivation.   I'm not completely unhappy in this body here.  

My motivation will be God. 
Treating my body with love and care as He intended.  

2. Lesson Pathways
Lesson Pathways is a great tool for homeschooling mama's.  They offer a planning tool, free educational resources for every grade, and topic specific units.  

3. Let's Play Music
Sara offers a plethora of lessons for your children whether they are just starting out on their musical journey, or have some practice time under their belt.  I have benefited from her website and appreciate the free lessons she offers so much. Whether you're teaching them simple rhythm skills or even if you just have a cheap keyboard, you can get them started on piano. 


4. Education.com 
My favorite worksheets!  They do offer a monthly fee if you need to print more than 20 pages a month, but I don't usually need more than that.  I often use their worksheets as a supplement to our lessons; mostly science related.  However, they offer a ton of other worksheets, that are fun and usable for every lesson and grade.

Now, for those mama's who spend so much time compiling lists, worksheets, and resources for the rest of us:  How they make the time, I don't know! Here are some personal blogs/sites that have been super helpful for me:

1.  The Happy Housewife
2.  Mama Miss
3.  All For The Boys
4.  Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

We homeschool.  We made the decision to homeschool after three LONG years of faithful consideration.  I ended up resigning from my new job mid-probation and pulling the kids out of school towards the end of fall.  BEST DECISION EVER, PERIOD.  Oh my gosh, we are so happy because God is so good.  I'm often asked what our reasons were when we chose homeschooling,  if we like it, how long we'll do it for, etc.  I love sharing my experience with anyone who asks.  However, please keep in mind that our reasons to homeschool are our own;  everyone has an opinion, and this is what is best for our family. 

There are so many reasons I could say to explain why we began homeschooling.

I could tell you that public school just wasn't working for our family. 

I could tell you that I wanted to have more time to teach them about our Faith and do daily devotionals.

I could say that we didn't have enough time together because mama and daddy both worked full time and the kids had after school activities that wore everyone out by 10pm.

I could tell you that I wanted to focus more on what they wanted to learn and specialize their education to be structured for their specific learning habits. 

I could tell you about how we love the outdoors and I wanted more opportunities for natural learning environments.

I could tell you about how I wanted them to read books they love, and not read as many books as possible just for AR points and stress.

While those are all really important reasons, here's where my heart is:

For so long, I was grieving the time I missed as my children began to grow up because I chose to go to work when I knew my heart wasn't really in it. 

I missed the time in my life so long ago when I was a stay at home mom and the sink was full of dishes, the floor covered in play dough, and the beds unmade.  Not because I was being lazy, but because we were busy exploring and filling our hearts up to the brim, and crafting, and loving on one another.  

I finally listened when God said "being home with your children is ENOUGH.  For you, for me, for them."  It was so simple but I wasn't ready to hear it back then.  

That's what it boils down to;  not whether or not I have the patience it takes to homeschool (because when people ask I always say I don't, patience really is a relative term).  It isn't about how long we'll do it for, this is not a season.  This a life choice.  I will do it as long as God allows me to.  Last but not least, do we like it?  Not all of the time, some days suck.  But we love it, and when you love something you take the good and the bad.  


 

These beautiful, sad little eyes. My Bella needs a little extra love and care today. "Sometimes when I'm tired I just feel sad and I don't know why." My sweet girl, I love you more than life. I love you more than there are stars in the sky. God is holding on to you tightly today, he is wrapping his arms around you and saying "I am your King and I will protect you and never turn you away." I swear her heart is made of gold. She feels for the broken-hearted and offers joy to them. She prays for healing for people that need it. That can take a toll on a little girl, most days she is stronger than the trees she climbs. But, sometimes a day of rest is just what she needs, and our Lord will surround her with the peace she needs to be encouraged throughout her day.